i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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