When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
