She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize