Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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