did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
