i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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