It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
