Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Ketchup is God's man juice
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
