I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
