He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
