The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize
