Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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