I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
