i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
