I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
