Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
