Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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