Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
