im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
