Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
