it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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