one word: firstdatebathroomanal
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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