I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
