are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
she peed on how many people?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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