Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize