Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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