my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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