Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
