The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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