I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
