fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just had sex on a roof
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
