Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
