I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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