I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
