Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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