if i can run in heels then i can drive
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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