haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
