defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
