A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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