Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
