i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Reggie can tackle my bush.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
