i was born a porn star she said
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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