I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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