Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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