Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
