im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
