just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Randomize
