She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
where am i from again
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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