I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
