I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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