very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
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