If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
