i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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