this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
