Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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