3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
