I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
