I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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