Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
