Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
MIDGETS
????
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
