So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
