it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
