I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
