you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
