Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You can't special order awesome
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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