i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
