Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
