no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
