She said her name was "party"
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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